By Ezra Ayokanmi Emmanuel
One area of difficulty for couples is remaining appealing physically and emotionally to each other. Some couples after cohabiting for a considerable period of time tend to slide into nonchalance in the area of continuing to keep the flame of passion burning. It is trite to say that for the flames to be ignited between genders in the first instance a lot of elements come to play.
Significantly, attributes that appeal to people vary from one person to another. While some may be just physically attracted, others might consider attributes such as academic brilliance, religious fervour, altruism, financial capacity, empathy, honesty, diligence among others as activators. Most people tend to consider these things in combination rather than in isolation when commiting to a relationship. Kayla Lemmon of the FamilyShare, writing in South Bend Tribune, lists things to consider in order to remain appealing to one’s spouse:
1) Be kind always. Kindness is something everyone craves from others and this is especially so with couples. Being kind speaks to the empathetic side of one’s character which is being able and capable of understanding with one’s spouse in whatever situation that confronts them.
2) Take time to look your best. Making sure to be physically attractive is a sure game changer any day. The more physically appealing one is to their spouse the more likely that the passion will remain strong. Dressing well and applying the adequate amount of make up and enhancements goes a long way to keeping passion strong.
3) Wear what makes you look good. Another side to dressing well is dressing as is comfortable without being tardy, gauche or outlandish. Wearing things not just your spouse likes and finds appealing but what enhances their public respect and status while looking good is much advised.
4) Be flirtatious with your spouse. Flirtation does not have to end with the advent of making babies. Couples can increase their appeal and attractiveness to each other by being flirtatious and playful. Becoming straight jacketed and over serious after marriage causes bad vibes in the relationship. Flirtation with one’s spouse is not an abhorrence but a stimulant for their continued passion for each other.
5) Do not dwell on your imperfections. Some people have the tendency to exacerbate their inadequacies as the relationship progresses. This is often a leading cause of inferiority complex. Couples must get to the level with each other where they understand that they complement each other. Where one is weak or inadequate the other should be a tower of strength. Therefore, it is important that they both realise they cannot be wholly perfect and seek to downplay the imperfections as much as possible.
6) Laugh with your spouse. Conviviality and laughing together is so important for couples. Where communication and trust is entrenched couples can find the joy in each other’s company. Having reason to constantly laugh together is a powerful bonding ritual that cannot be overemphasised. A house filled with laughter is one that remains happy irrespective of whatever is going on.
7) The little things matter. Couples must remain grounded in their passion rituals. Holding hands on walks, praying together, planning the home together, doing chores together, kissing and being affectionate with each other and being thoughtful towards each other’s needs is germaine.
Attractiveness and appeal between couples is essentially tied to the erotic side of their being. As a trigger, sexual appeal begins from the point of physical attraction and this, more often than not, is the point of convergence for people of the genders to find their partners. As earlier alluded to other attributes come to play in the erotic ritual of coupling but not to be relegated is the sex appeal factor. According to AI Generative sex appeal between couples is the ability of each person to attract the other. Sex appeal, in this view, is based on a variety of factors such as appearance, charisma and the ability to make someone laugh.
What couples need to understand is that being attractive and appealing to their partners is important to keep the tempo of their relationship up. It is not a one sided thing where one partner has to put in all the effort to be appealing whereas the other sees no need to put in the commensurate effort to bolster their appeal to their partner. Spousal relationships that will last need spontaneity, the element of mystery and the spice of passion. And this has nothing to do with age and length of time together.
Relationship experts say that women need at least thirteen significant touches a day to keep them sufficiently stimulated and impassioned. Kelly Edwards states in Just Mind that one of the signs of disconnection in relationships is lack of touch. She explicates that “Touch often plays a crucial role in maintaining connections within interpersonal relationships. Touch is essential because of the ways it communicates emotions to others and because it stimulates the production of oxytocin, sometimes known as the love hormone”. From the foregoing, it is clear that touch is crucial to maintaining appeal for couples and more so for women. Spouses must, therefore, ensure to maintain as much physical contact through meaningful touches as possible.
Where physical touch becomes difficult to attain due to distance occasioned by reason of occupation or such, constantly being in constant, sustained and continued communication becomes expedient. The communication has to be such that is interesting however. When conversation becomes tedious the appeal factor tends to reduce significantly. The need to find commonality of interests and interesting topics to spice things up and bridge the distance comes to the fore. Couples have to find their love language and make sure things do not become boring and cumbersome.
In the final analysis, any relationship that will thrive must have a combination of factors in place. The physical attraction, in spite its being in the main one of the earliest triggers of appeal, is not the only nor the most vital to maintaining the attraction. As the relationship progresses through its epochs and phases, other factors become vitally important to its sustenance and survival. While these factors vary in importance from couple to couple, it goes without saying that they must be present in one form or the other and at some level of intensity or the other depending on the couple and the journey of their relationship. Couples must have to constantly work on keeping their relationship strong and vibrant. To do this, they have to keep in mind the needs of their partners while keeping in view the necessity to place a high premium on those things that brought on the attraction in the first place. With the evolution of the relationship couples have to move in tune to each other’s desires on the erotic, physical, emotional, intellectual and trust currency levels. By doing this, the relationship stands a greater chance of surviving the after effects of the waning of physical attractiveness.
