By Ezra Ayokanmi Emmanuel
3rd January, 2025
Forgiveness is an integral part of Christianity. As Christ followers we are instructed to follow His example in this regard. The major plank of Christ’s ministry on earth is predicated on forgiveness as a prerequisite for redemption and salvation. Nadra Tawwab says “it is not always easy to forgive, and it is a choice that we make”. Tawwab goes on to say “When forgiveness is hard, ask yourself
‘what will I do if they don’t change?
Can I move through this without forgiving them?
Will forgiving them without them apologizing (sincerely) release me from the weight of the pain?'”
It is really hard to forgive people because in most instances, trust is involved. When one’s trust is betrayed rebounding from the feeling of having been dealt a treacherous hand is really hard. Nedra Tawwab equally says it is very difficult to forgive when people keep:
1) repeating the same offence;
2) don’t believe they have done anything wrong;
3) put the blame on you;
4) promising to do better but can only commit to change for a while;
5) showing no remorse; and
6) refusing to change their ways.
Jesus, the perfect example, gives us a templat for forgiveness in Matthew that forgiveness is reciprocal in nature. Matthew 6:14, Jesus says “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you”. The reciprocal nature of forgiveness means that forgiving others is a key demand for God’s forgiveness. Jesus taught his disciples to pray the prayer of forgiveness in the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 this “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”. The simple truth is, without forgiving others we cannot hope to receive forgiveness from God.
But a lot of us keep struggling with getting over a wrong done to us. This is so because it is an ingrained trait of humans to feel deep pain at a wrong. The call to Christianity is one that is based on obedience which is also firmly rooted in forgiveness. The tripod upon which Christianity stands is faith, obedience and forgiveness. Without God’s redeeming sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ there could have been no remission of sin. Coming to Christ in repentance is an acknowledgement of the previous state as untenable and needing departure from. Repenting of sin requires a total submission to the will of God and absolute obedience to His instructions. Forgiveness is a prime component of faith.
When it becomes difficult to forgive the point to focus on has to be releasing the pain of betrayal. The very root of unforgiveness is the incapacity to let go of the hurt. Since people have differences in character it is difficult to have everybody displaying the same capacity for forgiveness or unforgiveness. Therefore, no standard practice may suffice in every situation. However, the template of Jesus in Matthew 6 is a useful guide to relieving oneself of the pain of hurt. Additionally, we could
a) redirect the negative energy attendant to ill feelings to reframing our feelings towards the one that hurt us;
b) let go of anger and resentment resulting from the wrong done.
Since it is almost absolutely impossible to avoid conflict with others, it is important to have the kind of support mechanism that can ease the burden of hurt. Having someone to confide one’s innermost thoughts to is not a bad idea. The fickleness of the human nature sometimes intrude into this arrangement as some who are taken into confidence may turn around to hurt one even more by their later actions. Still, having someone to talk to is a good idea when needing guidance in navigating a hurt.
We must equally understand the inherent weakness of man in maintaining relationships with decorum. From time immemorial, man has existed in that state of squabbling over issues which in most instances lead to far reaching negative consequences. Avoiding conflict totally is impossible. Avoiding wronging another person is equally difficult to almost impossible. As a result of this propensity to hurt, anger and betray, man is in a perpetual conflict mode. This is a weakness that is impossible for men to surmount. Making this realisation, a wronged person can be better programmed to forgive any wrong. An understanding of the incapacity to not offend means we can project how to react when such offence eventually happens.
Ephesians 1:7-8 tells us that forgiveness is available only through God’s grace. Colossians 3:13 calls everyone to the ministry of forgiveness because by so doing we equally receive forgiveness from God. But for a couple of reasons, forgiveness can be hard. However, forgiveness can flow where:
a) one can show oneself to be the bigger person i.e that we can move past the wrong;
b) one can understand what led to the offender hurting the other person;
c) realising that we were forgiven too at some point for wrong done to others;
d) identifying what caused the problem;
e)being sympathetic and empathizing with the offender; and
f) we can pray and seek the face of God for direction.
Forgiveness is a good thing to dispense. Being able to overlook a hurt is divine. We must all take a calm perspective in moments of anger and rage to reflect on everything that has transpired. Allowing calm heads to prevail when angry or angered can prevent a lot of damage. Which why the cardinality of forgiveness in everyday life, in relational situations and in family living is very important. Individually and collectively society must strive to entrench forgiveness through its rigorous teaching of it to every segment of the community. We must remember that ‘To err is human, but to forgive is divine’.
