Ezra Ayokanmi Emmanuel
Marriage is a ministry that is peculiar and particular to humans. There are very few other creatures that form this life long commitment in the way that the genus man does. The capacity to live together in joyful bliss is an area of difficulty based on a number of factors like character, background and upbringing, peer pressure, religious perceptions and societal beliefs. But for Christian marriages, the elemental reasoning is that partners must embark on the journey together with heaven being the focus.
In the original plan of God marriage is an institution meant to cater for the social need of man. It was discovered early on in Genesis 2:20 that the man required a help meet for him. So, along with other functions that the woman was to perform, she was to remove the lonely state of the man Adam. From the time of Adam therefore, man has striven to make the institution of marriage into the image he feels it ought to be. This has often led him to deviate from the plan of God to his enduring sorrow.
The Preacher in Ecclesiastes made a profound statement about the kind of relationship that ought to be established between a man and his wife. Ecclesiastes 9:9-10 establishes the foundational basis of enjoying a life of bliss in the vanity of life itself. Malachi 2:15 corroborates the centrality of the husband being faithful to his wife as the precursor of him living a joyful and fulfilled life. The point being stressed is that one of the greatest cogs to making heaven is marital disunity. For a man to safely navigate the murky circumstances of life and land in heaven, one of the most important prerequisites is a happy wife.
Making one’s wife happy is a thing of immense benefit to the husband. 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessels,and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered”. A happy wife not only gives the husband joy and peace but is also an avenue of blessing to the husband. Dr. Karen Flinn notes that “Happiness in marriage isn’t just about grand gestures-Its about consistent care, connection, and love that makes her feel cherished everyday. For husbands, their well-being improves if their wives are also satisfied in the marriage”. Keeping one’s wife happy helps the healthy outlook of the husband and generates positive vibes around his person.
There are some very vital ingredients of living a happy and joyful life with one’s wife. Ecclesiastes 9:9-10 says “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of thy life of vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity, for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun”. This scripture emphasises the vanity of effort on earth and the compelling need to realise that enjoying as much of life as possible is the ideal. Placing emphasis on acquisitions to the detriment of taking pleasure in what is tangible, like the relationship with one’s wife, is an effort in futility. We, therefore, need to place focus on deriving joy in our spousal relationship. To enjoy this relationship, we must endeavour to play our part as men. To this end, men should endeavour to do the following:
1) Men must cooperate with their wives. Without cooperation the home will most likely suffer setbacks. Indeed Editorial Team reasons that, “Many couples do well together because of their shared interests and complementary personalities”. When husbands take their wives feelings into consideration in decision making in the home the wives tend to be more easily accessible. Again, the likelihood of succeeding at projects is higher. Lack of cooperation is often the reason for discordance and fractiousness in the relationship.
2) Men must see their wives as partners. For too long, the dogma of superior/subordinate has been sold as the prescribed relationship between husbands and their wives. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 says, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife”. Additionally, Ephesians 5:31 says, ” For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. The foregoing makes clear that the relationship between a husband and his wife is a symbiotic one in which they complement each other rather than being subordinate to each other in whatever regard. Where one is weak the other is strength required to press on. In most instances, if the husband does not see the wife as a partner life tends to be more difficult than it ought to be. This so because where the wife should cover for the husband he is left to struggle on alone since he has conditioned the relationship to be about him being the superior of the two.
3) Men must be truthful in all their dealings with their wives. Truthfulness breeds trust and trust is the fulcrum of any marriage that will endure. Heather Christy writes that, “Transparency builds a strong foundation in marriage, creating trust. Transparency allows wives to trust their husbands”. Truthfulness and transparency are the bedrock of a sound marriage. Where a husband is completely open about everything his wife would most likely reciprocate with the same. Living joyfully in an environment of distrust is impossible. It is, therefore, of utmost importance for men to be open, transparent and truthful with their wives. Proverbs 12:22 teaches that, “The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in men who are truthful”. As it is with God, so it is with men. There are very few attributes that women love about men like truthfulness. For many women, lying is a deal breaker and this tends to be a problem area for marriages. Therefore, it behoves the man who will live joyfully with his wife to be completely truthful.
4) Men must strive always to provide for their homes. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”. This is a strong condemnation for any man that fails to provide for his wife. Some even go so far as to say the wife has grounds to leave such a man. A home that is not sufficiently provisioned with victuals will be one where acrimony will reign. No matter how long-suffering the woman is, she is likely to be disaffected if her husband is unable or unwilling to provide for her and the children. The prime place of providing for the home cannot be overemphasised and it plays a crucial role in determining whether the home will be joyful or not.
5) Men must be helpful to their wives. Because of the patrilineal nature of families in most parts of the world, men tend to feel demeaned when asked to do certain chores around the house. It is, however, not a thing to stress over as long as the understanding is there that being married is a complementary state. A man can be helpful to his wife without needing to feel demeaned. Expressing gratitude for the things she does for you, acknowledging her efforts and letting her know she is valued, being helpful when she is facing challenges whether in her personal or professional life, and being there for her in tough times can help reinforce the love you both share. Overburdening one’s wife causes disaffection and can sometimes lead to frustration and hatred. A helpful and considerate man usually enjoys the company of his wife and has peace in his home.
6) Men should not joke with sexual relations with their wives. Women may appear reticent about sex but the truth is it matters to them as much as it does men. One of the reasons for marriage is sexual enjoyment. 1 Corinthians 7:5 states, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control”. The key point here is being in mutual agreement in fulfilling each other’s sexual needs within marriage. Hebrews 13:4 encourages keeping the marriage bed undefiled, meaning sexual activities should be conducted in a manner that glorifies God. A man who does not satisfy his wife’s sexual needs is likely to have a grumpy woman on his hands. While it is acknowledged that sexual prowess is varied, it is also important that men actively try to assuage the sexual needs of their wives. A sexually happy woman, in most cases, is a happy wife. She gives joy to the husband and the home is more conducive to inhabit.
7) Men should give their wives gifts as often as they can. Giving gifts to one’s wife demonstrates that they are valued, appreciated and in consideration at all times. The problem with some men with respect to this is that they feel their gift will be unsatisfactory to their wives. Sometimes, it is the token that matters, the thoughtfulness that is appreciated and not the size or the cost of the gift. It should be noted and acknowledged that there are women who are difficult to satisfy. It does not however vitiate the fact that a great percentage of wives appreciate being given gifts, especially those from the heart. Again, a woman made happy when gifts are borne when coming home makes the home a pleasurable place for the husband.
8) As much as it is within our power men should not bear grudges and keep malice with their wives. Quarrels and conflict are virtually inevitable where people live in close proximity. Managing such situations so that they don’t escalate into frosty relations is very important. It especially behoves men as the leader of the home to ensure peaceful coexistence in the home as well as harmonious engagement at all times. Quickly resolving issues allows for closer ties and bonding between husbands and wives. Irrespective of how hurt a man feels, it is his duty to ensure a mitigation of any incendiary situation. Such a man will most likely live a happy life.
9) Every married man must do all in his power to be a responsible man. Being responsible covers the whole gamut of being a husband, a father, a child and a member of society. How he organises his home is how he will be appraised by the community. Nothing gives a man joy and fulfilment than being of good standing in his immediate community. Psalms 127:4-5 says, “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate”. The point being made is that a man who has the backing of his family will have the bravura to contend with anything. The backing he gets is as a result of actually deserving to be backed. If he does not provide or is irresponsible in his duty as a husband and father, he is likely to be put to shame in the assembly of men. So, to command the respect and admiration of his wife and, by extension, his children, every man must be viewed by his household as responsible. This gives joy and gladdens the heart of the man.
A joyful, fulfilled and content man will have a better quality of family life than one on the contrary. Living well is not just by riches and wealth quantified in monetary terms. It has more to do with the value of conjugal happiness that one gets from one’s wife. To be happy with one’s wife is important as getting married is specifically for the purpose of the pursuit of happiness. No matter what one owns, if one does not have joy with the woman he marries, he is the poorest of the poor.
