By Ezra Ayokanmi Emmanuel
18 July, 2024
Over the evolutionary progress of man in his elements, different modes of relations have beentried with the aim of getting the ideal way of life for peaceful coexistence. Men have striven tomold society along lines that best suit their nature. As we have evolved in physiology, at leastaccording to evolutionary theory, we have gone through various phases of renewal andregeneration. Culturally, traditionally, linguistically, fashion wise and normatively we havecreated and structured and restructured the very basis of our existence. Man, being the highestand most intelligent life form on earth, strives always to conquer his environment and bring it tosubjection.
Organising society on lines that perpetuates his hold on the control of the earth is of primeimportance to man. For him to succeed at this, he has had to engender the family unit to help inthe organisation of society. But through its evolution the family has brought on added reasonsfor man to be in conflict with himself and other inhabitants of the earthly space. Conflicts thatrebound from expansion due to population explosion has meant that as men increase, space forother species has reduced. And as space for other species have reduced so has the variety ofwildlife and microbes reduced and increased in varying degrees.
The problem of humanity is hydra headed and most often caused by man himself. In his firststate, according to scripture at Genesis 2:18, he led a solitary existence. This changed with thecreation of the woman as his companion and complement (Genesis 2:22). As progress beganso also needs increased and avenues for assuaging those needs had to be sought. One of theways men sought to solve the problem of feeding, security and organisation of society was byincreasing population. Through this, the phenomenon of polygamy came into human relationalinteraction.
There is monogamy on the one hand and polygamy on the other. These diametrically oppositeconcepts have come to be deeply rooted in marriage cultures around the world. Monogamy, byway of definition, is having one spouse at a time whereas polygamy is having more than onespouse at a time. Notice that the definition did not specify gender. It invariably means that bothconcepts apply to both the male and female genders.
Choosing to be in either a polygamous or monogamous marriage is a choice that is steeped inthe culture where both exists. In actual fact, both exist simultaneously in virtually every culture.
With the exception of Europe, South and North America as well as parts of Asia which arealmost exclusively monogamous societies, most cultures embrace one type or the other ofpolygamy and monogamy. Africa and the Arabian Peninsula are the bastions of polygamy withthe Moslem segment being the most into polygamy although traditionally African culture allowsit too.
Often asked question is “why was there polygamy in the old testament scripture but the newtestament appears to be against it?”. For a fact, in Romans 7:3, Paul says that if a person isalive and the spouse marries another person, the new marriage is illegal and is consideredadultery. Invariably, a person in a polygamous marriage has committed adultery against the firstwife or husband as long as she or he is alive.
There then arises the seeming contradiction of the old testament fathers of the faith who hadmultiple wives. One is tempted to say there is bias somehow. But Bob Burridge, writing in the
Genevan Institute For Reformed Studies, claims that the Bible prohibits what polygamy stands
for. He goes further to state that “if marriage is limited to one man one woman then polygamy
is no marriage at all”. Jesus asserts as much in Matthew 19:4-6 when he says the union of
marriage is between a male and a female, never once did he mention a multiplicity of partners ina marriage.
Those who contend that Biblical Christianity allows polygamy, or more correctly, polygyny, pointto Genesis 4:19 and 2 Samuel 12:8 as justification. It is not in contention that men of the oldtestament married multiple wives without God directly having a say in the matter. In fact, in thecase of David, God seems to have approved some of his dalliances. The intriguing thing, and acommentary that runs through all of these polygamous marriages in the scripture, is that theyall, without exception, had serious challenges and dire ramifications for those involved and theirdescendants.
Let us highlight some patriarchs of the faith and the troubles polygamy brought on them andtheir future generations.
1) LAMECH was the first recorded polygamist in the Scriptures (Genesis 4:19). He had theinfamy of being the second murderer in the Bible. We are not told why he committed thisgrievous sin but it is instructive that the second murderer the scriptures record is also apolygynist/polygamist. Something is amiss in his story which Biblical history has not mentioned.We are left to conjecture what his home life could have been that could probably have led him tocommit such a gruesome act. To further compound his gloomy story, his name was notmentioned in the geneology of Adam. The other Lamech mentioned was the son of Methuselahand he begat Noah of the flood.
2) ABRAHAM is, perhaps, the most famous of all the patriarchs. None compares to him instature of the faith, endurance and perseverance he exhibited his walk with God. Yet, he and hiswife Sarah were childless till they were a hundred years and ninety years old respectively. Asgreat a man of faith as he was, the natural side of him led him to acquiesce to his wife’sdemand that he have a child by Hagar, her maidservant. He did and the ramifications of thatmoment of weakness is still reverberating across the world today. After the passing of Sarah,
Abraham had another wife named Keturah, and other concubines. Sensing the trouble that
would brew at his death, he left all his goods to Isaac his son by Sarah and merely gave gifts toall his other children thereby disinheriting them. He even dispersed them from his home
because of Isaac. This is the basis of all the resentment towards the Israelites of today.
One thing that probably played on the mind of Abraham when he acceded to Sarah’s demand isthe thought of his mortality. He was advanced in age without a son to inherit him so it seems apretty straightforward decision to bow to his wife’s wish. However, no sooner did Hagar givebirth to Ishmael than trouble erupted. The birth of Isaac led to the total disengagement of Hagarand her son from the Abrahamic household. From then till the present both sets of Abraham’sdescendants have been at each other’s throats.
3) JACOB came into the world grasping. This grasping nature became the theme of his life. Hewas a deceiver, an interloper and a liar. After stealing his brother Esau’s birthright, he ran awayat his mother’s behest to Laban, his mother’s brother. In Laban, he met his match in theunderhand business. Ultimately, he had to marry two sisters in order to marry the love of his life.
Jacob eventually consorted with four women who gave him 12 sons and a daughter.
The strife in the Jacob household led to hatred, idolatory, one son sold into slavery andeventually the whole clan ended up in slavery to the Egyptians for 430 years.
The trouble in Jacob’s life did not start as a result of polygamy but because of his cunningnature. However, his marriage to two sisters led to so much trouble that he lived his entire life inanxiety, sorrow and regret.
4) DAVID was a man after God’s heart. Much loved by God, he got uncommon favour from Godand, like a spoiled child, indulged in excesses in the area of marriage to his later sorrow. Thestory of David reads like a macabre dance of tragedy. Adultery, murder, betrayal, incest anddissent filled his household. David’s home was a deeply divided and strife filled one.
Nothing typifies the dangers of polygamy than the story of David. He lost three sons in his lifetime and even at his death, Solomon, his heir, killed Adonijah his own brother because of thethrone.
5) SOLOMON is adjudged universally to be the wisest man to have ever lived. His wisdomattracted people from all works of life, from far flung kingdoms and nations, who came to seethis wonder, hear him speak and learn at his feet. He became the richest person in the world asa result. But he died at sixty years old, cause of death: FOLLY.
Because he had so much, and everything seemed to come to him easily, he indulged in everypleasure possible and let his heart lack for nothing. He is reputed to have had seven hundredwives and three hundred concubines. How he managed this motley crew is amazing on its own.Needless to say, these same women led him to an early grave in ignominy.
Solomon is probably the most foolish wiseman to ever walk this earth. For all his claim to
wisdom, he failed miserably to curb his libido thereby opening himself up to opprobrium. Littlewonder the kingdom was split almost immediately upon his death.
The foregoing examples lucidly explicates the argument against polygamy. In our day, examplesabound of families torn apart by conflicts caused by multiple women in a household. Theschism within the family is more apparent in polygamous households than in monogamousones. Paul, writing to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3:2-5, admonishes that only those with one wifeshould be put in charge of the congregation. The reasoning behind this admonition is to guardagainst ridiculing the church, the ministry and the call. Titus 1:6 equally supports monogamy asthe best form of marriage for stability in the home.
The likelihood of a man of God succeeding in ministry is significantly reduced where he hashousehold issues to contend with. While it is not sacrosanct that monogamous households aremore stable, the chances of being able to manage conflicts in such settings is higher than thoseof a polygamous setting.
New testament scripture does not always glaringly oppose polygamy but it infers its rejection ofthat type of marriage. By discouraging the church from appointing polygamous men intopositions of authority the Pauline letters and other New testament writers give direction on thesubject.
Polygamy has some serious disadvantages for family homogeneity. These include:
i) A lack of control over the household. Controlling so many moving and intermingling parts canbe a handful. No matter how astute a man manager the head of the home is, the likelihood ofconfusion and loss of control is very high. Typically, being able to keep up with the manychildren usually spawn in polygamous homes is next to impossible. At best, all the father canoffer is perfunctory parenting. In most cases, the parenting role is almost exclusively ceded tothe mothers.
ii) Financial strain on the household can be debilitating. With a large number of mouths to feed,school fees to be paid and other utilities to be taken care of, the stress of keeping up can lead toa breakdown. It is commonplace to find parents in polygamous settings having serious healthchallenges because of the enormous strain they are under. As most of the incidences ofpolygamy are in the underdeveloped parts of the world with significant economic challenges, itis obvious that health challenges will be more rampant as a result.
iii) Jealousy and envy are a constant part of polygamous households. There is always thetendency for some to feel shortchanged in the scheme of things. Striking a balance among allthe conflicting interests is almost likely to be an exercise in futility. Too many componentscompete for attention and to assuage all the demands can be an impossible task. In the eventthat one person succeeds more than the other, especially children of rival wives, envy andjealousy soon set in. This, again, is a source of bitter competition which can lead to devastatingconsequences.
iv) Most polygamous homes face the problem of ridicule from neighbours and people in thesame neighbourhood. Very little of the conflicts within the household can be safely hidden from
neighbours, especially prying ones. For every shortcoming that becomes public knowledge thehousehold is held in derision. Those in this kind of polygamous setting become a laughingstockto their neighbours.
v) Polygamous households being usually large in population limits privacy of the individualswithin it. In the exceptional cases where the household is a rich and we’ll to do one, this isusually largely better managed. But where resources are limited, living quarters small andamenities in short supply, infringing on one another’s privacy is a commonplace feature. Theinability to have privacy can lead to grumpiness and frustration as well as lashing out.
vi) There is usually confusion over how the parental role should be played by rivals in respect tothe children of rival wives or husbands. This is especially so in the area of discipline, allocationof amenities and sharing of responsibility. If the right balance is not struck, quarreling could bethe order of the day. Too much care is usual taken to delineate properly roles for everyone,especially children. Where rivals are cantankerous, conflict will usually boil over to the surface atthe slightest provocation.
vii) Because space is at a premium and a large number of persons occupy a limited space, thereis increased possibility of conflict. Trouble brews and festers quite easily in polygamoushouseholds. No matter how well space is delineated the chances of encroachment remains aconstant. And because tension is heightened as a result of the rivalry between the women ormen, as the case may be, the slightest encroachment on one another’s space can be a catalystfor trouble.
viii) Because polygamy is usually weighted against women, it tends to lower the status ofwomen. This may be the same where women are allowed to marry more than one man althoughthis is a very rare type of polygamous relationship. Women in polygamous relationships ormarriages tend, more often than not, to suffer from low self esteem. The sometimes brutaltreatment of women in certain cultures where they are viewed more as cartel rather thanpartners or equals means a lot of women in those places suffer untold hardships in theirmarriages.
ix) Polygamy has deep ramifications for the mental health of those in it. The psychological sideto the traumatic experiences of some people in polygamous marriages often leads to mentalhealth challenges. People on the wrong end of polygamy often live on the edge not really quiteable to rouse themselves to resist the debilitating effects of their slavish existence in marriage.
Subjecting their partners to slavishly devoting their entire existence to the pleasure of the manof the house sends women on a spiral to mental disorientation from which most never quiterecover.
x) The increasing rate of domestic violence is a worrying modern trend in marriages. This trendis not synonymous to any particular type of marriage. Be it monogamy of polygamy, thisscourge is a problem that is becoming universal. However, it is exacerbated in polygamoussettings as a result of the sometimes difficult existential realities of managing a largehousehold. Typically, outbursts of rage and physical abuse result from frustration at a difficultlife. Domestic abuse is often misunderstood to be between spouses. This notion is erroneous because children have been known to endure this kind of abuse too from their parents.Monogamous marriages, while not excluded from this problem, have a much lower rate ofcases of domestic violence than polygamous ones although most go unreported.Christianity abhors disorder and polygamy is a prime example of disorganisation in family life.By the order of things at creation, it can be explicitly seen that what the original intention formarriage was is for one man to be married to one woman for the entirety of their lives. Theaberration of polygamy came in as a result of the insatiable lust of men and, to some extent,because of economic and security concerns.
At the point when existence and survival was of a subsistent nature, our forebears needed largehouseholds for land cultivation purposes. Some acquired slaves to help out on their farms whileothers simply married many wives to bear the children that will eventually ease the burden onthe man. Then again, large populations meant that securing the realm from marauders becameeasier. The need for security in numbers led to polygamy as a way of life for a while.In spite of these seemingly salient points, the level of conflict that polygamy causes made itunattractive for Christianity. Therefore, Paul and other New Testament writers had the firmbelief, inspired by the Holy Spirit, that for harmonious homes monogamy is the best. While truethat some polygamists maintain a semblance of order in their households, in most cases attheir death everything usually disintegrates. Herein lies the wisdom of the New Testament thatmonogamy is the advised option for harmonious family living.
